May 2013: Humor on the Job

by admin on May 1, 2013

By:  Elizabeth Gangl, RPR

A collection of utterances from depos over the last several months. We’ve all heard similar things, and sometimes you just have to shake your head…
Six months of depos apparently isn’t enough time
together.
MR. SMITH: See, that was very helpful.
MR. JONES: I try, Tom. And it’s only
because I care.
MR. SMITH: We really have to get together
more, you know?

MR. JONES: Yeah, we haven’t spent enough time together. I agree.

*****
Maybe a trip to Vegas would be a better bet?
MR. JONES: Because of what he’s seen they
are frauds.
MR. SMITH: Well, you will have that chance
to prove it in court.
MR. JONES: You know what, you want to make
a side bet on whether I can do that or not?
MR. SMITH: Yeah, I do.
MR. JONES: What do you want to make it on?
MR. SMITH: We’ll do that off the record.
MR. JONES: All right.

*****
If I were the witness, should I be worried?
BY MR. SMITH:
Q. All right. Now let me — I’m going to do this
because I want to neutralize you on this particular
issue because I don’t think you’re providing these —
MR. SMITH: I didn’t say neutralize him in
general.
MR. JONES: I was going to say —
THE WITNESS: Do I need to be worried?
MR. JONES: I was going to say, is that a
threat or what?
MR. SMITH: It’s a promise.
THE WITNESS: Take alternate routes to the
airport? We’re going to ride separately, yeah.
MR. JONES: You’ve been watching too many
Matt Damon movies.
*****
Come on, let’s play nice, please.
BY MR. JONES:
Q. I think I asked you this earlier, but you don’t
have any new opinions today that are not otherwise
reflected in your report?
MR. SMITH: Of you or?
MR. JONES: Sure, fair enough.
Q. BY MR. JONES: About this instant litigation, and
leave me out of it.
*****
Think before you speak.
Q. So you would agree that you rely on your
education, training and experience, correct? You don’t
rely on literature that you haven’t read?
A. I do not rely on literature I have not read.
*****
Goes for the reporter, too.
MS. JONES: Objection; vague, asked and
answered.
MR. SMITH: Did you get his answer?
COURT REPORTER: “No.”
MR. SMITH: Okay.
COURT REPORTER: I mean yes. The answer is
no.
MR. SMITH: You got it, all right.
*****
Everybody’s got their own sense of humor.
Q. Okay. Sue, looking at Exhibit 18 and 28
together, is Exhibit 28 the attachment to the email in
Exhibit 18?
MR. SMITH: I’m sorry, was there an answer?
MS. JONES: No.
THE WITNESS: Was there a question? I’m
sorry, I was reading, I must have missed it.
MS. JONES: That was a funny moment.
MR. SMITH: Now there’s an answer.
MS. JONES: Nobody told you that you would
laugh a little today, did they?
THE WITNESS: No.
MS. JONES: Well, that’s not a bad thing.
*****
More humor. Wait for it. Think about the last line.
A. Before that we were living in our parents’
basement at 1060 Cherry Street for about a year, almost
a year and a half.
Q. And when you say “our parents’ basement”?
A. Her parents’ basement. Sorry.
Q. All right.
A. We’re not from the south.
*****
What exactly does a reporter do?
Q. So I’m sure John has talked with you about how
this process goes and some of the rules about
depositions, but just as a reminder, and partly for the
benefit of the court reporter and ensuring that we get a
clear record here today, I’m going to ask you questions
and you’re going to answer questions unless John tells
you not to, and we have to try not to speak over one
another because Liz can only get down one person
speaking at a time.
A. Okay.
Q. Although she’s pretty good, she probably can.
A. I know, she’s not even looking.
Q. I don’t know what she’s doing over there with
those buttons, but it turns out that what we say here
today is reflected and recorded in the record.
*****
Handling exhibits, being tough and training the
attorneys.
Q. This is an original exhibit, it’s very precious
to our reporter, and we want to make sure we keep track
of those with the yellow stickers, okay?
A. Okay.
*****
Q. And I will say, before Liz hits us both over the
head, it’s important that you let me finish and I’ll try
to do the same for you.
*****
Q. One rule for the day, so we stay in Liz’s good
graces, I’ll try to let you have the opportunity to
finish your answer, and please do the same for me with
my question so we don’t talk over the other, because it
makes it difficult for Liz.
*****
Q. If we talk at the same time at each other, she
can’t get it down and she’ll start throwing things at
us, okay?
A. Okay.
*****
Q. You’re going to have to keep your voice up a
little bit just so the court reporter can hear you. I
happen to have perfect hearing but maybe she doesn’t.
*****
Q. I’ll remind you to just take a breath at some
point. My friend the court reporter is starting to
weep.
A. I figure she’ll pipe up if she has a problem.
Q. No, no.
ATTORNEY SMITH: Actually, she said she
would.
*****
Q. I’m not going to be rude, but if you could just
let me finish before you answer, just because it’s rough
on her, and I can already tell she’s getting mad at me.
*****
Q. And this is, again, his entire 20-year
experience, from —
A. This is his experience —
Q. — from 20 years back to November 1?
A. — in going to trade shows and which ones were
productive.
Q. I see my court reporter is getting upset. We
can’t talk over each other either —
A. I’m sorry.
Q. — so we have to be careful with that —
A. I’m really sorry.
Q. — because she can only take down one thing at a
time —
A. I won’t do it again.
Q. — so we’ll try to be careful for that.
*****

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